Kiss
Puke
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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