i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
