So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize