Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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