you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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