My first STD was from a foam party
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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