Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
