My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
