How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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