just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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