I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
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So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
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I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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