she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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