I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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