sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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