I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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