Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
