:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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