I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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