You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
