life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
