Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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