i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
