Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
