I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
