I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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