Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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