I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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