oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
