well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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