is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
