dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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