quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
