Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
