It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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