My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
