Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
