Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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