he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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