remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
