a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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