Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
