He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Someone shattered a urinal.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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