i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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