no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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