hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
