tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
