Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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