If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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