dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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