Sponge bath it is.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
There's always time for handjobs
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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