he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
