I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
