Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize