dude i'm inner monologue high
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
