She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
