I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
