her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
