i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
