bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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